Nature Poem

Nature's love can be found throughout the lands
With birds in trees and crabs in the sands
All to follow nature's demand
Animals run on the floors
Trees blowing in the wind
Waves beating shores
Mountains sinned
And course
Lands.

Refrain Poem

The house is standing but empty inside
Darkness of despair permeates the air

The house is standing but empty inside
The walls have crumbled and roof is falling

The house is standing but empty inside
Every wind that hits blowing it to the side

The house is standing but empty inside
Broken from those who once had entered

Burning, falling. drowning inside.

Poem 1 editing

The Sun always leaves me,
But unlike you it returns,
Every morning it greets me,
But not so much for you.

The Sun was a cold white,
And now a burning red,
The rays that used to love me,
Now burn me with such hate.

The Sun always leaves me,
But unlike you it returns,
And now I feel the cold,
Never to feel your warmth.

First phase:
There were some words that were not needed.
Some lines did not fit the poem.
There was excess punctuation.
There was some bad word choice (syntax).

The Sun always leaves me,
But unlike you it returns,
Every morning it greets me,
But not so much for you.
 
The Sun was a cold white,
And now a burning red,
The rays that used to love me,
Now burn me with such wrath.
 
The Sun always leaves me,
But unlike you it returns,
And now I feel the cold,
Never to feel the warmth.

Second Phase:
There was not enough imagery.
The poem was not implicit.
Some misused words were present.

The Sun had left me once,
But unlike you it returns,
Every morning it returns to me,
But not the same for you.
 
The Sun was a cold white,
But now a burning red,
The rays that used to love me,
Now burn me with such wrath.
 
The Sun always leaves me,
But unlike you it returns,
And now I feel the cold,
Never to feel the warmth.

Third Phase:
The word "sun" could be replaced with "it".
There was some words that could be replaced.
The rhythm did not work.

It  once had left me for night
Then night had given it back
But now I fear it will never
Return to my begging arms

It once was a pleasant white
Now it's a blistering red
The rays that once had loved me
Burn as they don't hold

The sun left me for night
But night will not give it back
And now I sit in darkness
Forever in the cold

Poem 1

It  once had left me for night
Then night had given it back
But now I fear it will never
Return to my begging arms

It once was a pleasant white
Now it's a blistering red
The rays that once had loved me
Burn as they don't hold

The sun left me for night
But night will not give it back
And now I sit in darkness
Forever in the cold