Wednesday, December 24, 2014


    Why am I here?  This makes no sense. It is impossible and always will be.  Nope, you're wrong.  Idiot.
   "And then he had risen!"  Really, just like in those comic books I read as a child.  Iron Man crushed by the rubble comes out with half the mask cut out with sparks flying from the exposed wires.  Great, it's Easter, this means I'm here even longer.  Just what i wanted.  Hey Jesus, whoop me up some wine from this water bottle, make me a happy man.
   "Do you believe this crap?"
   "Of coarse I believe these beautiful morals".  This moral? Does she know what they did to those kids when i was in school.  Yet she trusts our child with them every Sunday night to get enlightened.  Who does she think she is? My children are at risk, they could be scared.  Ooooh let's kneel now that's just great.
   "And he took the bread..."  Let me break it over your head.  I have to eat this?  Where have his hands been?  Ugh.  Now the wine.  Great, he's gonna get wated up there.  Stumble down the stairs. "Which one of you peseants want some fricken' bread."  That would make this better.
  "And drink of it,"  I'll drink of it, alright.  Me and you father let's have a fun time.  Then it will seriously be a happy hour.  Now we're getting up great.  Bread is stale.  That's not even whine what the hell.
   "Love and serve the Lord."
   "Let's go!"  Oooh dammit.  I said that way too loud.  "What are you all looking at? We're all thinking the same thing.  Look at him he's about to sprint out here.  Why are you even here?  You looked bored outta your mind.  This is fricken' nuts.  Let's all go here even when we know we'll be bored.  Thank you-umm gotta go cook the ham good seeing you.

Hybridized Fan-Fiction

Stephen Hillenberg (writer of SpongeBob) writes J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit (With SpongeBob characters)

   Who lives in a hole under the ground?  SpongeBob Squarepants.  Like other hobbits, SpongeBob was not adventurous, in the slightest, at all, ever.  But it all changed when he came.  A wizard by the name of Squidward.  They spoke of their past together of the fireworks the wizard once had made.  But, SpongeBob had not known the meaning.

   Thirteen dwarves later.

   SpongeBob had found the mark left upon his door.  He was very unappreciative of such.  He knew by the glow it gave off that it was what had attracted the crabs.  "We need you Sponge.  You can change into different shapes, loose limbs and fall from any heights.  You're the greatest of burglars," said Mr. Krabs, seeming to lead the other twelve crabs.
   "Burger? Yeah I cook patties. they're-"
   "Not a burger, a burglar."
   "Um is that not the same word?"
   "It's a different word."
   The sponge laughed.  "No. Crabs these days"

   Five minutes of confusion later.

   "You basically steal stuff."
   "Oh, isn't that bad. I'm not doing it. You guys will have to just do it yourselves."
   And with that, the crabs concurred.  They mounted their ponies and left.  SpongeBob, noticed that he, lost most of his knickknacks.  "Cheap crabs," he mumbled.  "Last time of them ever shows their shell in this home. Nope. Never!"
   "You are just as selfish."
   "I thought you left, too."
   "Well, I didn't," said the wizard from the shadows.
   "What did they want from me? I'm a sponge. It's to dangerous for me. Stealing,"
   "They wanted their homeland, which is why they wanted you.  They lost it one day.  It was big, it was all wiggly and it ate everything.  Like an Alaskan Bull Worm.  One day it found Rock bottom, where all the crabs live, and took it for its own."
   "I need a drink."

   One trip to Goofy Goober's later.

   "Ugh wake up. It's three in the morning," said the waiter.
   "I could catch up with the crabs. I had this dream where-"
   "I don't care." 
   On that note, the sponge flew across the sandy plains, reefs, and coral beds.  "I'm ready!"  The crabs thought it was nice of him to join and they continued without quarrel.  Glad, SpongeBob found they kept a seahorse for him too.  He learned of all the battles the crabs fought and of their homeland.  He was told of the Alaskan Bull Worm who took their lands.  Over the journey, the novice sponge began to think of what he got himself into.  He had no idea that he would have to go against the beat itself.
What am I going to do?  Thought the sponge.  Through many biomes they traveled together and still SpongeBob knew very little of Mr. Krabs and his company.

   Six months of journeys and random and completely obnoxious songs later.

   "We there yet?" said SpongeBob
   "We there yet?"
   "We there-"
   "For a Sponge you don't seem to absorb much," angrily stated Mr. Krabs. "Wait this is it."  The company stared down the road running on a right angle down.  Straight down it went for at least five hundred feet.
   "Woah, looks dangerous."
   "That's where you come in sponge," Mr. Krabs laughed.  "If you get the crown of King Neptune we got back from Shell City, we'll be able to get the worm out.  It's in that vending."
   SpongeBob knew perfectly of the vending machine.  "It doesn't work, I tried it when I got stuck here from Glove World."
   "Again, that's your problem."
   "Well, I'm a man, I'll do it."  SpongeBob made his way down the street, or tumbled really fast.  He journeyed through the empty road quietly double-taking at every creak.  It was dark sand all he could see was the vending machine's light.  "This isn't you're average everyday darkness, this is advanced darkness."  He reached the illuminated glass pane, staring into the gold of the crown.  "Auuung how am I supposed to get it to work now.  He sighed in desperation.
   Clink.  "NO WAY!"  He grasped the gold edge and turned around.  He was staring into a hairy pink hide.  Dang it.  He ran for his life to the crabs.  He sprinted as the wind was flowing through his white striped socks.  At a loss of breath, he stumbled to the road.  Turning back he  saw the Worm zigzagging toward him. He looked at the sweating crabs and knew he must succeed.  He sprinted up the road that led straight up.  "WOOOOOOOOOOOO, I did it!  I proved grandpappy wrong.  I can run up ninety degree angles.  I'm ready."  The sponge ran back home with excitement to find the crown stiil on his head.  Oops.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Advisory Slam Poetry

When you are in your house hold your he up high,
And your sibling hits you return the favor,
And they steal from you take it back,
And when they swear at you do not accept it.

When you walk down the street hold your head up high,
And somebody walks into you without reply do not go without question,
And somebody laughs at you do not bother,
And somebody dives their hand in your pocket do not hesitate.

When you walk in to school hold your head up high,
And others slap your books down do so to them,
And you are blamed and innocent do not be scared to defend yourself,
And you get pushed around do not go silent.


Speaker:     The poets the speaker.
Occassion: It is a time of depression.
Audiance:  The poet is (The poet is speaking to herself).
Purpose:     The poet wants to teach herself how to live morally and fulfilled.
Subject:      The poet is expressing moral ways of living to better one's (herself's) life.